I think my vagina is haunted
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
