Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
