forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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