We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
