I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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