Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
