somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
