Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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