there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
