When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
