u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
