So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
