I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
