And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
