Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
