who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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