Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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