No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
