why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
