I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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