I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Small penises have feelings too.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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