i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
