Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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