I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
