and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
