hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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