does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think a kid would responsible me up
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
