it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
