Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
