when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize