if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
