And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
