Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
