Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's never too late to be topless.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
