I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
