their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
