isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
