I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
its not stalking. its research.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize