I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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