Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
