I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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