My room smells like vodka and shame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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