I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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