i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it was like eating out sand paper
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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