it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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