I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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