shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
