he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize