i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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