Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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