I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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