I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
