Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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