i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
