He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sarcasm needs its own font
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
