Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
