I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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