and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
