these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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