i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
