I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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