as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
