There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
