dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
