dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
