Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
did i walk over a car last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
