I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
