Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
