capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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