It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
