either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
