you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
