I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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