Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
