Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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