im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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