I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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