I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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