Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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