Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
