he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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