just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
