So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
