I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize