peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
