i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
