Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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